So, are any of you ladies out there feeling the blues? I don't know what it is, or why it's attacking right now, but I have definitely fallen prey to a heavy dose of the Downs. I keep thinking that it must be hormonal and, until now, was convinced that it was just me, but I've just realized that it's EVERYWHERE!!! Walking through the grocery store today was a lump-in-my-throat reel, working is a chore, made all the more difficult by the tears blurring my vision and woe is Le Husband if he decides not to do his dishes immediately. The worst part, beyond the overwhelming bursts of emotion, is the self-doubt.
Anyone who's met me is aware that, even when I'm not sure, I stand by whatever it is I might be spouting, but recently... well... um... do you... I mean, could I... I was thinking... but I'm... You get my drift? So, I've been thinking about this fear of change, insecurity and general listlessness and wondering, is autumn the emotional opposite of Spring? Because Spring brings with it lightness, joy and a certainty that things are looking up. Does this happen to us every year, and then we forget? I don't remember last year being this bad, but then I don't really remember last fall at all.
Then, I thought that perhaps it's about change and insecurity. I miss parts of my old life, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel on Charlottesville yet, so I remain here, wobbly and definitely mid-change. The same goes for a friend of mine who just moved back to Virginia from New York City. Like I did, she's spending the first couple months at her parents' place, while adjusting to country life. Not the easiest of changes to undergo, and her recent emotional state seems remarkably close to my own.
And then, we can't ignore perhaps the most important change of the decade... the presidential election. That's a change that's been begging to happen for the past eight years, but it's also a change that could lead to, in my opinion, absolute horror. I'm trying to be positive about it, but... oh, who am I kidding? That's a change that could send me straight back to Paris. And it's certainly something to cry about.
2 comments:
You are the cutest! I love this entry. So very true. I just started my own blog - and I think it's helping me to put everything into perspective. Thanks for the inspiration, my sweet! Love you! -Marisa.
I hear that Mercury is in retrograde. I personally felt like tearing people's heads off and eating them last week. But I'm better now. And loving you.
-Lea
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